I always laughed and joked about that saying: New Year, New Me. But now with being sick, it always pops into my mind as the new year approaches. I think, will this be my year? But as all of those thoughts of ‘getting better’ pop into my head I can’t help but be filled with an overwhelming amount of anxiety. Am I ready to be ‘better’ when I have no clue who I am anymore?
All I’ve done the past few years was survive. I’ve let this illness hold me down, and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to give up. I’ll be honest, I’ve prayed to not wake up the next morning. I never saw the meaning or purpose to all of this, and I figured the world would be a better place without me. But I’ve learned. I am learning. And I will continue to learn. With each day comes a new obstacle, but within that obstacle I challenge you to find the one good thing, no matter how small it may be.
I’m ready to live. I don’t want to let this illness hold me down anymore. It may be a struggle, learning to live again, but I’m gearing up. I’m ready for the good, the bad, the ugly, and everything that may come in between. The sun always sets and the darkness always comes. Always remember that you have made it through one hundred percent of all of those dark nights, and you will make it through those that are yet to come.
How many people get the chance to say they were given a second shot at life? Honestly, I hope not many (at least if it was due to an illness), but if you are given that chance, don’t throw it away. You are special enough to be given a second chance and don’t ever forget it. Stand tall and strong and do all you never thought you would. Smile. Smile every chance you get because you may be the reason someone else has the courage to do the same. Maybe if I can stand tall and be stronger than these weights life has tied to me someone else will learn to stand tall, too.
Mikayla Vacher is a 23-year-old Chronic Lyme disease warrior who has been fighting for over ten years. She was finally diagnosed in May 2013 after being dismissed by far too many doctors for over five years. Lyme disease has turned her world upside down, but she is learning to embrace the journey and find a purposeful meaning in every day.
Want to know more about Mikayla? Find her on social media!